I seem to have left my pride at pride
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
