well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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