Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
