I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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