I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
