if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
