Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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