He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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