so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
