I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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