haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
