Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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