It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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