Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
