My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
