I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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