i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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