Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
