I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
