my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
