Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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