I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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