New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
BRING THE BAGELS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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