Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
