I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
