I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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