Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
