my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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