You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
