ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
