While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
