how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
