I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
