you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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