I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
