i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
