Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
