So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
