its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
