apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
