If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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