a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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