my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
