just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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