omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
