I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
