You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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