Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
