i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
