Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was so not down for the gang bang
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Michael Bay diarrhea
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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